Vinnie's Football Shorts

Producer/Director: June - August 2002
(1 x 60 mins) Carlton Production for BSkyB (Sky One)


This archive-based special for Sky One was hosted by Vinnie Jones and received the first of its many transmissions on 29th September 2002 at 9pm.

From the seedy environs of his "club" (in reality, the Rivoli Ballroom in Brockley) Vinnie linked together packages of talking head interviews, intercut with a wealth of classic football-related film and TV commercials. The aim was to outline the methods used by advertisers to make us buy their products. For example, in order to appeal to every possible consumer they cast every archetype from "hard men" like Vinnie to "sex gods" like Beckham, "lad messiahs" like Wright and Giggsy to "boys next door" like Owen.

The programme contained clips from 47 adverts, made from 1946 right up to 2002, including some of those shown opposite. Many have become infamous for their cheesy soundtracks or the dodgy acting performances on display. Others have become popular advertising classics.

For example, Paul Gascoigne shedding tears over his Salt and Lineker crisps, John Barnes replenishing his precious bodily fluids with an isotonic drink, Eric Cantona making continental public transport sound as sophisticated as a Left Bank café and Michael Owen narrowly missing being crushed by a falling lorry. Then there's Terry Venables taking delivery of a cake from Bobby Robson and Graham Taylor, and the schoolboy who drank milk because Ian Rush said it would make him good enough to play for Accrington Stanley.

In addition to Vinnie Jones, the programme featured guest appearances by Gary Lineker, Les Ferdinand, John Barnes, Keith Allen, Graham Taylor, Jimmy Hill, Kirsty Gallacher, Jo Guest, Gabby Logan, Paul Ross, Rhona Cameron, Leilani, Ed Hall, Keith Duffy, Hear'Say, the Evening Standard sports journalist Kate Battersby, Radio 1 DJ Emma B, and Paul Hawksbee and Andy Jacobs from Talk Sport AM.

The show was based on a proposal entitled The Big Pitch, conceived in Spring 2002 by football expert Graham McOwan and TV producer Cillian de Buitlear, who brought the idea to Carlton. As with Kirsty's Home Videos, Sky required a glib new title to explain exactly the show's content. Vinnie's Football Shorts was my suggestion, with Vinnie's Football Ads the substitute!

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Official Vinnie Jones Site

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